Nope. Not what you think. In fact, I have data. On the way to the airport, Charlie pipes up from the back seat with “how often do planes crash?” That's JUST what you want to think about on the way to the airport, right? So, I reluctantly looked it up. I was delighted to report that 0.18 of every million planes crash... which equates to less than one in every 5 million (I think - I don't really do math well).
I’m a catastrophic injury lawyer, so I like stats, I understand risks, and I know that we (all people) take them every day. Want something frightening to put this all in perspective? There’s a car accident every minute of every day in the US (a fatal accident every 16 minutes). Whew- that sucks, right? But to ease Charlie's concern, we have confirmed that flying IS, in fact, safer than driving. So... buckle up! And, therein lies the topic of this post.
I do NOT see myself as a big person, which is probably why I’ve had a hard time getting motivated to diet. I’m active, ride a horse, have normal seats and furniture. But there are things that keep me in check...like seats at sporting events...and airplanes. I’m a true GA peach (and I’m also shaped like one, which can require the “side slide” into hard seats with armrests in order to clear the “child birthing hips” that women on plantation front porches sipping sweet tea and saying “bless your heart” are so freaking proud of).
But there are the three words that terrify every fluffy girl ... “seat belt extender.” OMG. I’ve done a lot of embarrassing things in my life. I split my pants...twice...remember? I got so drunk (in law school) I fell on the dance floor... and continued to dance... on my back. (This was not one of my finer moments in life and I don’t think Jared has ever stepped back into that bar out of sheer humiliation that he was with "that drunk girl"). I’ve walked into a men’s bathroom full of colleagues at a conference. I've spilled a drink all over a stranger at a concert. I tripped and fell over my own feet outside the grocery store and landed face first with about a 30 foot “debris field” of groceries, phone and keys. I get up, laugh and continue my business. Embarrassing shit happens to everyone. But THAT - the seatbelt extender - is something I’ve always avoided and plan to continue to avoid.
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| Seriously - SHE is the demo person? |
Did you know you can't bring your own? I mean, they sell them on Amazon (and a site called "moreofmetolove.com" - great title - that sells things for fluffy person comfort that I, thank goodness, have never needed... and you know you're going to check it out now, aren't you, nosey?). And then, it would be no different than whipping your headphones out of your carry on bag... discreet and personal. But apparently the FAA frowns on that (and disallows them) because they're not inspected and approved. Seriously... I can attest from near personal experience that if I'm squeezed so tightly into an airplane seat that I need an extender, I am probably not going to come out of that seat in an emergency situation anyway (and if I do, I have extra padding). But I digress.
Friends- if you’ve ever had to ask for one, I seriously applaud you. I’ve watched that process and I always love the matter-of-fact, no bullshit, way that people ask for them. "Ma'am - I need a seatbelt extender." No whispering, no hiding, just the facts. And I always appreciate the flight attendants just being “all business” and delivering it with a smile and a hand-off... like a pack of pretzels. No judgment, totally professional, and just part of the job. But I die a little inside out of empathy every time. I always wondered when the day would come that I’d have to be "the one." And I've vowed it won't... ever. I don't have that no-bullshit asking skill. I'd be all awkward trying to whisper (now with a mask). I'd be the one who requires the flight attendant to yell at her teammate down the plane "do we have another seatbelt extender - this lady needs one!" I'd make it weird. That's a special skill I have. So I CANNOT ever need one. It would spell disaster and I'd start driving everywhere to avoid it, which we know, from the statistics above, is less safe.
So every time I take my airplane seat and grab that belt, I say a little prayer, and thank God and baby Jesus- my favorite Jesus (extra credit if you know the movie!)- I hear the CLICK! I dodged the bullet again... no extender needed...and I plan to keep it that way!
Just for laughs... 😂
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