Giving up my "super commuter" badge...and other career changes.

This Friday, I officially retire as a "road warrior." 

Good news!  I've accepted a position as Associate General Counsel at US Lloyds Insurance! I'm very excited about the new opportunity - lots of benefits, "normal" hours, no billables, lots of trial experience, and close to home!!  It's an incredible step forward and I'm excited beyond words to be home with Charlie and Jared for dinner every night! 

But, after almost 8 years, I'm leaving Touchstone Bernays.  The decision was excruciating.  Touchstone is, by far, one of the most well respected insurance defense firms in Dallas and carries such a long tradition of success and good lawyers.  I've been honored to be a part of the Touchstone family for all of these years and the graciousness they've shown me through this transition has reminded me why I've always been proud to call Touchstone home. 

Since I started at Touchstone, I've gone through three cars (and luckily no accidents and only 1 speeding

ticket!) and driven around 185,000 miles (not including trips to destinations other than Dallas). I've spent over 6,000 hours (that's about 254 days!) commuting on the road with about a million idiot drivers.  My current car, "Ingrid #2" (Apparently, I loved Ingrid #1 a little too much - I replaced her with EXACTLY the same car, 2 years newer, hence Ingrid #2, but I digress...) helped me make the decision to stop the madness.  She's tired.  She already had to take over for "Gretel" and "Ingrid #1."   She's too young to feel this old.  And, after a two week stint in the shop with a near miss on having a new transmission and a windshield scarred from the rock trucks on the highway, I'm showing her mercy.  She'll now tote me 6 miles each way to my new office where she can bask in the sunshine as I drive a company car around town.  I think I saw her dance around in excitement like one of the characters from "Cars!"

All that being said, I'm sad, too. Each step of the packing process has been sad and my office looks sad now that it's all boxed up and packed.  I was convinced I was going to live out the rest of my days as a lawyer, and eventually partner, at Touchstone.  It's hard to reach such an unexpected fork in the road and choose the road less traveled.  Change is hard.  And, this all happened SO fast.  I wasn't looking, but for some reason, stumbled upon this opportunity.  For some reason, it was an easy process, and for some reason, they picked me!  I like to think that the reasons for all of this is that it was just "meant to be."  I saw something on FB the other day, "Your life may have taken a detour, but God is still on the throne. He has brought you this far, and sooner or later, your peace will be restored."  I know God has placed me at this point in my life and that I'm just accepting a blessing - he's given me more time with my family.  

I've been blessed to have the best boss in the world for all of these years.  Rocky has taught me so much and I'll be forever grateful.  He's a genius (he was even on Jeopardy and served as a "phone a friend" lifeline on Millionaire!) and one of the most incredible lawyers I've ever known - brilliant strategist and masterful in front of a jury.  He's been a friend and father figure to me, too, and was the first person outside our family to hold Charlie when he was born, which will always be special to me.  He's also a jokester and prides himself on some of the ones he's pulled on me - apparently I can be gullible (ok...so he convinced me that I was naming my baby boy after a serial killer from England.  I only spent about a half a day on the internet before I realized he was kidding).  "Team Feemster" (Rocky, Lisa, Wendy and Me) is a well oiled machine.  I hate to put a wrench in that - no pun intended!  But, they've been wonderful about all of this and I hope I've made the transition easy.  Rocky has flattered me saying I'm not going to be easy to replace.  I'm humbled, although, as I declared (in a very "Legally Blonde" moment the other day when I struck some sort of awkward pageant pose in Rocky's office), "you can't find this kind of fabulous just anywhere!"

I won't let Ingrid #2 get lazy.  I'm still a road warrior on the weekends - Jarvis and Eric have Jac going too well for me to leave right now! But, Jac, the Tulsa show, and all of that are another story for another day!

So, as I reach the end of my road as a Touchstone lawyer in three more days, I'll sign off with the 5 "trial lawyer" rules I learned at Touchstone (passed down from the late Webber Beall, to Rocky, to me):(1) wear a white shirt, (2) shine your shoes, (3) zip your fly, (4) memorize the juror's names, and (5) always have the facts on your side.  :-) 

MJ

My weight loss journey a/k/a "Shame and the 17 inch reining saddle"

Well, this week marks the one year anniversary of my weight loss adventure.  I lost 2 toddlers in 9 months (well, not literally, of course, but the weight of 2…ok nevermind – bad analogy)… I lost SEVENTY POUNDS.  I’ve waited months to write this “anniversary” post…and during those months, I unfortunately found a few of the pounds I lost.  But, that’s ok.  For the most part, I’m in check and holding fairly steady.  And, I’ve promised myself to never go back to “that place” again.  So, I went back on my “healthy lifestyle” this week.  Jared is joining me this time (he’s three days in and I think he’s sprouting horns, but I’ll feed him carbs tomorrow and he’ll be happier).    

I’d lost weight for pageants before, and we’d lost weight (otherwise known as getting whipped by a trainer named "Adolphus" - see early blog posts) before I got pregnant, but this was a whole different ballgame.  This wasn’t a “eat right and exercise for a month and you’ll look fine on stage in a swimsuit” kind of diet.  I had years of weight to lose…law school, desk job, baby weight and post-baby working mom weight.  It was daunting.  And, by the way, I have a bone to pick with whoever said I’d lose the baby weight breastfeeding.  (Unless they mean, “you’ll lose the weight actually put on a normal person from being pregnant” – not the weight you gain during pregnancy from being a cheese fry eating machine- they should be more clear).  Either way, I call BS on it.   it’s just a way to convince you to perform the tasks of a dairy cow…and I fell for it.  But, after a year, I realized I was no smaller.  Charlie was on his own.   I digress…         

Most people ask me, “what prompted you to do this?”  Easy answer:  Shame.  Since none of you are apparently good enough friends to tell me, straight up, that I was a fat ass, I had to figure it out on my own.  I started not recognizing myself in photographs - or in the mirror – that should have been enough.  Then, when saddle shopping, I realized my saddle size was unpopular – because most people don’t NEED that big of a size.  But, I waited until the full shame factor slapped me in the face.  Unfortunate set of facts #1:  Last spring, I was handling a trip/fall case at an apartment complex and during a case related telephone conference, the subject came up that the claimant was a “big ol’ fat woman.” She broke a concrete step.  She weighed less than me.  Unfortunate set of facts #2:  A few weeks later, I had another trip/fall case and my boss asked me “why do big women insist on wearing ridiculous high heels?”  I was also quite a bit larger than that Plaintiff….and looked under my desk, immediately after his comment, to admire my favorite Cole Haan pumps.  Then, the thought crossed my mind that apparently I was a former pageant girl in the body of a “big ol’ fat woman.”  Our old trainer used to say, “you’re not fat, you just need to ‘uncover your fine’”.  Yep…something like that.   

I think Jared was too sweet (this is an unusual occurrence for him, but he is sensitive to weight related issues, which I love about him) and Charlie just liked me “fluffy” for cuddling purposes.  I also blame my own blinders…I should have realized that when my family would say, “you’re pretty no matter what size you are,” I should have realized they were saying, “you’re a pretty fat girl.”  I missed the cues. But, friends, seriously??  You’ll tell me if I have broccoli in my teeth, baby spit up down the back of my shirt, a split in my pants, toilet paper on my shoe, or a run in my hose, but NONE OF YOU bothered to tell me I was FAT?  Thanks.  I’ll remember that the next time I see your fly unzipped.     

I’d heard some radio commercials about a local weight loss program, Slim 4 Life, so I called.  I knew I’d get a sales pitch, but as I told them when I went for my consultation, “I don’t care if you tell me to eat vanilla flavored dog crap and jump around with a monkey on my head…make me thin and I’ll do it!”  And, pound by pound, and week by week, they did!  I won’t go all infomercial on you, but basically, it’s a sensible program – veggies, fruits and lean protein.  I told them I’d eat right, but had minimal time to exercise (and preferred that my exercise be accomplished on the back of a horse, not in a gym).  I wanted to eat out some.  I wanted grocery store food.  They made all of that happen.  I won’t lie…it was expensive.  But, it WORKED.  I was hitting my milestones, staying motivated, and by Christmas, I was at goal weight.  70 pounds thinner and right at SIX full clothes sizes down.  Without giving away the details, I used to wear a size closer to my age…now I wear a size closer to Charlie’s age.  That rocks.   And, I rewarded myself with a pair of Dubarry boots and a new-to-me reining saddle in a popular seat size!  I’ve also had to replace 75% of my wardrobe (and threw in some new shoes and new chaps – 2 sizes smaller – for good measure).  The key to continued success:  I got rid of ALL of my larger clothes (all to wonderful charities). 

I’ve realized a couple of things on this journey:  (1) if you want to lose weight bad enough, you’ll make the sacrifices necessary and (2) weight loss really is a never-ending journey and DOES need to be a lifestyle change.  My goals were to go to the beach in May unafraid of wearing a swimsuit and to wear a “sexy” dress to my brother-in-law’s wedding.  DONE.  But, the Florida key lime pie and Kentucky wedding cake are still lingering, so it’s time to hit the program again. 

We’re three days back in and Jared was nearly in tears last night begging for a bowl of cereal around midnight.  I was not hungry, but still maintain that I’m the tougher one of the two of us.  I think Jared believes I’ve chosen to follow this nutrition plan for the sole purpose of secretly and slowly torturing him.  I’ll insert my sinister laugh here.  :-)

So...THE LONG AWAITED BEFORE AND AFTER PICTURES...

DRUM ROLL PLEASE....

                                        BEFORE:                                                          AFTER:



Left: Mandy's wedding in February 2012
Right: Jordan's wedding in June 2013

                                      BEFORE:                                                          AFTER:

Left: Memorial Day 2012
Right: Memorial Day 2013

Apparently, wearing a crown to work is frowned upon...

Around this time every year, I get SO sentimental and really miss wearing a crown!  The new Miss Rodeo Texas was just crowned, Miss Texas check-in is this weekend, and as fall rolls around, these lucky young women will be heading to Vegas and Atlantic City for Miss Rodeo America and Miss America, respectively.  (I know Miss USA was last week, but I have no personal experience with that one – I think I already have “education better”).    I’ve made a lot of wonderful memories in my life, but my pageant memories are some of the ones that I recall most vividly (that’s probably because they’re fairly recent and I can’t remember much else in my old age – haha!  For instance, I’ll never forget driving into Las Vegas with a trailer full of clothes, hats and boots, topping the hill overlooking all of the magnificent lights of the Vegas strip, and realizing that I was about to embark on an experience of a lifetime at Miss Rodeo America. I’ll never forget walking into the jousting arena at The Excalibur in Vegas for horsemanship realizing how few people get to ride there. 

And, I’ll never forget walking onto the Miss Texas stage for the first time, the smell of the dressing room (some combination of hairspray, fake tan and butt glue), and the chill of the rehearsal hall. My favorite is that instant on stage… standing still and seeing only darkness and near-blinding spotlights…all eyes in my direction… THE moment that I’d worked for, sweated for, and prepared for (feeling such tremendous excitement, confidence and pride in accomplishing so many personal goals)…it’s one of those moments in life where you try to soak in every millisecond knowing that you’ll never stand in that exact place ever again.  And then, I’d take a step forward or my music would start, and that moment would be gone forever only to remain as a memory.  (I know my pageant friends are smiling and nodding in their own sentimentality right now). 

I love that quote, “life isn’t about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away.”  I think that’s what I miss most – the breathtaking moments!  So, I’ve been trying to make a conscious effort to be more present in all aspects of my life…to let little moments take my breath away with Jared, Charlie and Jac (and maybe even work), and stop letting life pass so quickly. 

Maybe qualifying for the NRHA South Central Regional Affiliate Championships isn’t that big of a deal (honestly, I haven’t been reining long enough to know).  What I DO know is that seeing my name posted on the NRHA website took my breath away and I might have even shed a happy tear or two although I’d never fully admit to that (it’s 5 years in the making for me from deciding that I might want to stop eventing, making the transition, finding time to ride after baby, and then going through many moments of self doubt ..to knowing that I’m in the running (albeit with probably a couple hundred other extremely qualified horse/rider combinations) for THE Rookie of the Year.  We have a ton of homework, but we're heading to Tulsa!

I had a “moment” the other night eating ice cream with Charlie and realizing how fast the time is flying by with him and that he won’t be my “little man” forever.  I had a moment the other day when I was handed a case to handle and realizing how far I’ve come in my practice over the past few years.  And I heard some lyrics yesterday, “life’s a long and winding ride…better have the right one by your side,” and remembered how I need to cherish moments with my husband.      

It's hard sometimes with the hustle and bustle of life, daily frustrations and responsibilities, and things to distract me from my "moments."  So, if all else fails, I’ll just grab a glass of wine, kick off my heels, put on my crown, and remind everyone that, by damnit, I used to be the queen.  J    



Jac Smart a/k/a "CUPCAKE"

It’s been a couple of months since my last blog…I knew if I waited long enough, Jac or Charlie would do something to warrant another blog addition!  Jac wins the prize!  Jarvis always says that Jac’s lucky to have me, but sometimes I think it may be the other way around…Jac seems to keep teaching me more about life than he does about reining (hopefully the latter will continue to come together, too, as we move through the show season)!

I was out of town last week, so I was dying to ride Saturday (my first day off since I got back home).  Jarvis and/or Tyler rides him on Fridays as a tune up for me since I always ride on Saturdays, and Jac is usually good, but last Saturday, Jac was AMAZING!  He was focused, tuned, circling well, turning fast and smooth and stopping like a pro.  I almost thought I’d gotten on the wrong horse!   Have I made my point that he was AWESOME?   So, I decided to give him a mental break and take him for a hack…let him be a horse for a few minutes…put his feet on the grass…feel the fresh air in his mane (this is a concept very familiar to eventers, so I know my eventing friends are nodding in agreement).  My work routine for ALL of my event horses included a hack as a reward for good work.  So, off I went on Jac into the great grassy yonder that is the entrance to Green Valley Ranch. 

Jac quickly reminded me that hacking is NOT a familiar concept to him.  He put his feet on the grass and felt the breeze in his mane for about 30 seconds…just long enough for me to take a deep breath (and an obligatory FB picture - see above).  Then, all hell broke loose.  He caught sight of something (or nothing) and blew up like a four legged ginger bomb (see photo to the left).  I’m not sure how I stayed on his back (other than sheer luck and 30 years riding experience).  All I know is that it involved some spinning, bucking and bolting, and within about a quarter second, I was probably 200 feet away from where we started (and Jac was breathing like he just ran the Kentucky Derby).   The worst part, his eyes were still wide open and he was waiting on that invisible monster to attack us again.   (By this point, I’m having déjà-vu of him being afraid of the sprinklers when I first bought him. (See 1000 pound toddler blog post from 2011).  I’ll give Jac two things: (1) there is nothing wrong with his instinctual flight-response and (2) SO FAR, he’s always taken me with him on his escapes.   I hate to admit that as I got off (ok – not the best horsemanship move, but I need my head for work), I might have shed a couple of tears wondering why he has to do these things and scare me sometimes, why he can’t just be perfect - a horse that loves to show and loves to just be ridden around.  Then I realized that he’s mine for a reason, I love him despite his faults, and maybe it’s not the right time for THAT horse to come into my life.

A wise friend (thanks, Amy!) told me a story last week that’s really been sitting on my heart as I look at everything in my life.  (I love people with grateful hearts and she’s one of those people).  The gist of her story is that God’s plan for our lives is like baking a cake… some of the ingredients, alone, are pretty yucky, but God blends all those things together for the best possible story!  However, he doesn’t always give us the whole cake at one time…sometimes we just get a cupcake.  And, we just need to stick a candle in it, enjoy, and feel blessed!       

 

Saturday evening, I was watching an episode of “Inside Reining” that I’d recorded and saw a segment on Whizard Jac (for my non-horsey/reining friends, he was a VERY famous reining horse AND a full sister to Jac’s momma…which I guess in human terms makes him Jac’s uncle).  Conformation speaking, Jac is the spitting image of Whizard Jac.  Then, I remembered the little spot on the top of Jac’s tail that’s his daddy’s calling card (Jac’s sire, Smart Chic Olena is also a VERY famous reining sire). 

Then, I realized that I should be SO GRATEFUL for Jac, no matter what, because HE IS MY CUPCAKE.  I knew the switch from eventing to reining would be hard, but I knew it was the right thing for me and my family.  And, then, in perfect time, God found a WONDERFUL home for my big sweet Dually and within a week, put a beautiful, kind, healthy, sound, royally bred, and show-ready reining horse in my life (and he even fit into my *meager* budget).  I’m not ready for the full cake yet.  Jarvis says that everyone screws up their first reining horse…I know I'm no exception, so I’m glad to have Jac who seems to put up with me (we've even had a couple respectable outings this season)!    

So, “CUPCAKE” and I will be heading off to show again in a couple of weeks (maybe I’ll finally mark that 70 I’ve been after!)…he’s even toting Charlie around in a leadline class, which is icing on the cupcake. (pun intended).  J

Pilot Error: Goose-egg score becomes "full circle" moment!

I always take these long gaping breaks from blogging.  I’m not sure why because I really enjoy it and it’s so incredibly cathartic! Sorry this is so long, but it’s been over a year since my last post, so I’m allowed, right?  I'll take this one section of my life at a time and start with a horse update!

I try to make these posts humorous, and this is a little heavy, but I’ll try!  I’ve been having some moments lately where I feel like the little cartoon lady from that commercial with the cloud following me around – I’m fine, but it did dawn on me that lots of the “heavy *#%&@” in my life has happened to me in February.  It’s taken me a couple of days since the show this past weekend to debrief, but I think that after 16 years, I finally have my “groove” back!  And, a post from a FB friend yesterday made me realize that some of what I was feeling was overwhelming gratitude (Thanks Katherine!). 

Backstory:

A few weeks ago, I was honored with an Academy of Achievement award through the United States Pony Club for graduates who excel in their careers after leaving pony club.  Even better than the award was the opportunity to mentor some of the most amazing young people I’ve ever met during the National Youth Congress.  I was asked to give a speech (<=) about my life and career path and, for the first time in a LONG time, amidst this incredible opportunity, in telling my story, I had to re-live one of the worst days of my life…February 16, 1997…the day of my infamous riding accident. 

I don’t talk about the minute details of that day very often because it’s very, very hard for me.  I was a well trained rider on a lovely mare, but we were mis-matched.  After an unfortunate series of events, we crashed into a big cross-country fence and I landed about 30 feet away…like a lawn dart.  I don’t remember much else other than the long physical and mental recovery.  Remembering that day and all of the big dreams I left on that cross country course feels like a punch in the stomach, but I also realize that it’s brought me to where I am today.  (That was the focus of my speech….keep moving forward.)  After so many heartbreaks, I almost just hung up my spurs permanently.  Something just kept pulling me back, but it’s just never been the same to ride or to show…the love was there, but the passion was gone and I was trying desperately to get it back. 

When I decided to sell my dream event horse, Dually, in 2011 and make a huge leap of faith over to reining, I’m sure everyone thought I’d finally gone crazy (see post below!)!  I “liked” Jac, but I didn’t LOVE Jac at first (see Toddler post below).  We really didn’t bond at all until he hurt himself last year and I got to spend a little time with him every day for a month.  From there, as they say on “The Bachelor,” we started to “form a connection” and I really started “seeing a future with him”  (I know which of my friends are cracking up now!)  I enjoyed riding and I enjoyed showing, but more for the social interaction than the “fire” I used to have for it.  I hoped it would return with a win (or at least a feeling that I wasn’t embarrassing myself or making my trainer run away screaming), but even a near-win at the FW Stock Show this year didn’t give me that “spark.”  I’d eliminated the fear factor, but hadn’t regained the “butterflies.”

The epiphany:

So, as I always do, I tried again.  And, I scored a ZERO for an over-spin (I felt like a complete idiot, but I hear this is not an uncommon thing to happen to reiners – EVERYONE at the show shared their own over-spin stories, and as much as I SO appreciate the empathy, none of them really made me feel much better.  I still feel like I can’t count as well as my 2 year old).  You’d think that being disqualified this weekend might have been the nail in the coffin on my riding/showing.  But, that’s when the unexpected happened…I was ON FIRE!   After I counted to nine on Sunday (for my non-horse friends, I was supposed to stop spinning at 8), I spent about 10 seconds slapping myself inside, and then the next two minutes having more fun than I’ve had on a horse in the past 15 years!  EVERYTHING came together– I can’t put the feeling into words – it was incredible.  I can’t wait to ride and show Jac again.  I almost drove an hour and a half round trip to feed him a carrot.  I considered playing hookie from work Monday so I could ride again...  I’m back!   (I’m sure Jared is thrilled <insert sarcasm!> although he does say on his work biography that he enjoys the horses, so it must be true!) 

Sharing the credit:

I’ll probably never win anything big enough that I’d be allowed to give a speech.  But, if I could….

Thank you to my BOOM-PA (grandfather), God rest his soul, for being my best buddy and traveling partner over thousands and thousands of miles as I developed as a rider.  Thank you to my MOM for always reminding me that its important to have fun and to my AUNT for being a sounding board and comparing equestrian social & fashion notes with me.  Thank you to my husband JARED for supporting me in 2006 when I decided to pull out the gear and give eventing another go (and allowing me the physical, emotional and financial space to continue to ride, even though it isn’t always easy for our family), and accepting that horses are part of me.  Thank you to CHARLIE for giving up some time with me and allowing me to “re-charge” my soul on my horse so that I can hopefully be a better mom for it.  Thank you to my amazing non-horsey friends (especially BETSY!), who don’t always understand the crazy horse talk, but put up with me and love me anyway.  Thank you to my amazing firm for supporting my niche and encouraging my growth, personally and professionally.  Thank you to MARK COMBS for picking me up off the ground on the fateful day of my fall and reminding me that I was ALIVE and there’s “always another show.”  Thank you to MARY D’ARCY for helping me make the hard decision to stop eventing with her honest, professional and straight shooting Irish words.  Thank you to MISTY for being my IHSA Alumni travel buddy and to JOHN for the guidance during my equestrian identity crisis.  Thank you to my Pony Club family for accepting me as a cowgirl.  Thank you to MANDY, my BHFF (Best horsey friend forever) for, well, everything.  Thank you to JEFF for getting me started and for taking the time to help me find the PERFECT reining horse match for me (and to JEAN for breeding him!).  Thank you to JARVIS for starting such a WONDERFUL horse, for working with this fledgling reining team (that’s lower than green, right? Haha!) and for being so patient and kind to me during this learning process.  Thank you to STEPHANIE for walking me through my first shows and giving me so many laughs along the way.  And, thank you to the reining community as a whole for being so accepting of a newbie…what an incredible group of people.     

Moving forward:

I’ve been telling myself for years that I’m just competing for fun, but this weekend, I found the joy that I had as a teenager galloping around cross-country – the joy that will keep me on a horse for the next 35 years of my life.  I know there will be more bumps in the road than triumphs, more losses than wins, and more “sweat and tears than ribbons and cheers,” but that’s what this horse game is all about, right?  I’m just glad to be a part of it and glad to realize that the weight I was feeling lately was a fully grateful heart (and the bottle of wine it took to get over the over-spin)!