"Did someone shit in that bowl?" and other diet food reviews.

So, for my friends with sensitive ears, I'm sorry.  For my judgmental perfect mom friends, this isn't for you.  But for my cool, "world's okayest mom" comrades who won't judge that my kid drops a curse word occasionally (or all the time, but only in appropriate settings), read on.  

Charlie has been super supportive of my diet (other than when he asks me to go get him chicken fingers mid-day not realizing the torture of having to eat tuna and then ride in the car for 5 minutes with juicy, grease flavored bites of deliciousness and ROLLS sitting in the seat next to me... nevertheless, he hasn't gotten the damn lunch chicken).  He's sweet about offering to rub my neck, get me an apple, refill my water, and go on walks with me.  He reminds me how much easier things might be (like knee hockey and climbing into his loft bed for a snuggle) when I'm back to goal weight.  He tells me he's proud of me when I reach my goals for the day.  He's my positive reinforcement.  Until today.  

The offender

On occasion, I have to defend my food choices.  I'm really hoping to inspire him to eat healthier by introducing him to alternatives to kid food (he has my sweet tooth).  I've convinced him to try a fruit smoothie, a steamed carrot, and some other things he didn't find totally repulsive.  And I was SO optimistic that we'd love the Oikos triple zero chocolate greek yogurt.  You know, a great substitute for pudding, right? It's low calorie, no added sugar, low carb, no fat, high protein... it checked the boxes.  When I pulled back the foil, I was immediately concerned (although I have to keep a poker face as he's watching me).  It's a weird tan color... definitely doesn't look like dark delicious milk chocolate pudding as I'd expected.  So I stir (I'd already warned him that greek yogurt looks gross until you stir it, so he was prepared for the icky first impression).  Now, it just looked like creamy tan sludge.  Charlie was still skeptical.  And then it came... "I know that's healthy and all, but is that really yogurt or did someone just shit in that little bowl? 'Cause that's what it looks like." 😂🙈💩

Cue my disgust at his comment, mom fussing about the language, and so on.  I laid on the guilt trip thick about criticizing my healthy snack choice.  By this point, I'm convinced this is going to be AMAZING and he's the one missing out.  WRONG.  As I'm on display, trying to show him how wrong he is... I put the first big creamy tan bite in my mouth and... it's confirmed... it tastes like someone just shit in the little bowl.  It was AWFUL and reminiscent of the "vanilla flavored dog shit" protein shakes from one of my first blog posts.  It was sour and bitter and tasted nothing like yogurt or chocolate.  I don't know what shit actually tastes like, but now I have a good guess.  But like a good mom who can lay on a great guilt trip, I poker face ate the whole damn thing and acted like he'd just missed out on the best ice cream sundae of his life with a "are you sure  you don't want the last bite?" (insert guilty grin).

Auburn boy should
know better 

Now to hide the other one I bought in the trash where he can't see it.  And, when he asks why I don't have more, I'll tell him the store was out of them since they were sooooo delicious.  Because that's how the world's okayest mom rolls.  And by the way, Oikos, you missed the mark on this one.  And Cam Newton, my fellow Auburn Tiger... you lied to me!