Diet life is not FUN-yun.

I re-joined an online workout program and my friend invited me into her fitness and health FB group.  She's headed on a road trip today and has (1) a protein shake, (2) hummus, and (3) veggies for snacks.  I am totally aware that what I've embarked on is a lifestyle change and that protein shakes, hummus and veggies are the new norm... they're how I'll have the health that will allow me to be around for Charlie for a long time.  That's the big hairy goal.  But...seriously... 

WHO the hell road trips without diet coke and Funyuns?  Is it even a road trip without these staples?  Maybe some boring car ride from hell... might as well listen to idiots on youtube screaming at each other instead of listening to music.  And maybe we can get lost a few times, stress about running out of gas, and have "are we there yet?" in a whiny 5 year old voice on a loop.  That would make any "road trip" even more fun.    

This revelation nearly brought me to tears - that this is REALLY a life change.  It changes the way you think about everything.  And for a second, I started to question everything...do I really want to do this?  Am I ready? I almost even felt like I was giving up part of myself when I literally have to change every single element of life including the way I've ridden in a car since I was 10 (in the 80s, sitting in the front seat, feet on the dash and a pillow, reading Babysitters Club books and munching on Funyuns).  Funyuns went with me to many horse shows through my teens.  Funyuns were my companion back and forth to college.  They helped me get my horse to New York to train during the summer of '97.  When I drove my truck and horse trailer with all of my worldly belongings (and my horse, Joker and my dog, Belle) to Texas for law school, singing "Bar Light Bar Bright" trying to stay awake on the 14 hour drive from GA, Funyuns were there.  And Funyuns have been my gas station staple between here and every out of town hockey tournament for the past 4 years.  I feel like I need to have some sort of serious conversation with whoever makes Funyuns to tell them "I'm sorry I have to break up with you - it's not you, it's me."  Is it rude of me to break up with them via blog?  I hope they understand and will still be there for me when I'm on a trip someday and feeling week.  But, they're an addictive obsession and I probably need to cut ties for good.  

I've been learning through my app based weight loss program about the kinds of eating that we do... for fuel (the good kind), for fun (apparently my kind), fog (mindless - I'm also a fan)... but my days of "fun eating" are over. 

Skinny people will tell you that there are "substitute" foods that taste just as good (I've been one of them, remember?).  They might even share recipes and snacks (yep - I remember during Miss Texas days sharing how much peanut butter on a rice cake with a drizzle of sugar free chocolate syrup is like a Reese's... it does NOT... unless you're starving.  Although, I'll admit - my friend Jessica gave us some healthy cookies that will definitely suffice on a craving).  Trainers will say "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." And remember Adolphus?  If you want to see the shit show that was our pre-Charlie personal trainer named Adolphus, scroll back to the first post in this blog and grab some popcorn (or grapes or a rice cake... whatever).  He's the reason I started blogging... with his "you're not fat... we just need to uncover your FINE.").

So, as I prepare for the next weeks (I know - the first 2-6 months will be the hardest), I've accepted that this is not going to be FUN(yun).  It's a reshaping of so many things - figuratively and literally.  My mother in law mentioned that this blog should be in the Weight Watchers magazine and then my thoughts went to "oh! They do points! And I bet WW would let me have a few Funyuns if I eat broccoli the rest of the day!"  But I'll stick with my plan.  I'll be good.  And I'm cutting out the chemicals and processed things like Funyuns.  Let's pour one out for my travel homie.