Saying goodbye to our hero

Some of you may have read my October 4 post about the passing of my friend, Kimi Agar.  Today, we laid our American hero to rest.  It’s always so hard to say goodbye and the service was all too familiar a feeling from three most untimely deaths in our family in 2004 and 2006.  But, through the sadness, my heart is filled with pride – for Kimi, for my “family” who came together in her honor and memory, and for a country that allows people to line the streets with flags and shut down highways to honor a fallen soldier. 

When I won Miss Longview Area, I didn’t realize the struggles I’d face with a new director to the system and the distance between my area and my home.  What I also didn’t realize was the incredible family I’d just been “crowned” into.  Before I won my local title, I’d also competed at Northeast Tarrant County and Plano.  I am so blessed that both of those pageant directors took me in “off the streets!”  Brenda, Leslie and Jan welcomed me into their homes, helped me with wardrobe, talent and interview…all the way to Miss Texas…and after.  I was also blessed that Kimi Agar was also part of the Northeast Tarrant County family.  So, during the countless hours I spent at the Harville’s house, some of those were also spent with Kimi.    

I’m proud to be a veteran of the Miss Texas Organization.  Even though I was only able to compete for one year (I was a geriatric pageant girl and aged out after my first year), it was a great year and I met some incredible people.  Through the highs and lows, it’s a family.  And, today, that family came together.  Bruce Wallace started the service with a heartfelt recitation of the Soldier’s Creed.  Terry Telligman spoke such a truth about how we all have different parts of our lives with different sets of friends… and that those pieces don’t always intersect.  And, then Christy Kibler touched my heart when she spoke today about how people go their separate ways and lose touch.  Today, I saw friends that I hadn’t seen in years and some that I’ve only “met” through our Facebook connections.  And, it made me realize how often that happens in life.  We get busy with work, children and life outside of whatever activity brought us together.  I’ve lost touch with high school friends, college friends, horse friends, work friends and pageant friends.  But… the best thing about true friends is that you can pick right back up where you left off – as if time hasn’t passed.  And today, we were all able to come together to honor Kimi.         

As I sat there today, I realized why I loved Kimi so much.  I’ve tried to be so sweet and use soft words, and I certainly hope this description doesn’t offend anyone, but the word that kept popping in my mind is “badass.”  She was beautiful beyond words, fierce, compassionate and kind.  She was a princess and a soldier.  She could wear a sparkly dress and heels and then trade them in for camo.  (I had to smile at a picture in the slideshow of her “pageant posing” in her fatigues).  In my “prime,” I used to ride my horse at full speed cross country and jump big things that don’t fall down.  I think that, at least for that period of my life, I was a badass.  And, I remember driving onto the base for my interview with Air Force JAG and feeling like a badass.  But, I took an office job, drive a safe car and compete now in a safer horse sport …I’ve lost that badass part of myself.  Kimi was the badass that I’d always wanted to be, she did things that I wasn’t brave enough to do, and although she was 8 years younger, I looked up to her with the utmost respect.  She was a little sister in this pageant family and I loved her.  

I’m sure she was looking down and smiling today at the overwhelming display of love, friendship and patriotism.  What a beautiful tribute to a beautiful soul.  Even though I’m not able to tell her in person, something I’ll always regret, I know Kimi will hear me when I say “I’m SO proud of you, Sgt. Agar.”