I'm now nearly 11 months post-partum. I should be back to my pre-maternity size (should have been way long ago). I shouldn't even consider wearing some of my maternity clothes, but I do. I should dress sharp and look neat when I go to work. But, every day when I look in the mirror, I so often think, "well, I'm not leaving the office today, and I feel like a hobo, but I'm comfortable." I used to say "I dress like a homeless person," but I thought that was insensitive and I didn't want to insult folks who are down on their luck. Hobo seemed more appropriate since they're more in charge of their circumstances and choose to live a hobo-lifestyle. I guess that's what I'm doing right now?
I've been looking back through a lot of old pageant pictures lately. In that time of my life, I was well dressed, sharp, thin, tan, fit and always "put together." I'd gained and lost weight over the years, but always felt like I looked nice when I left the house, whether I was going to ride, to work, or to lunch with friends. I had stylish clothes, pretty shoes, and matching accessories. I felt like a million bucks, even through much of the pregnancy (see maternity picture to right!).
But, in March 2010, when I found out Charlie was on the way, I started my descent from pageant girl lawyer...to expectant mother... to new mother... to hobo. I'd lost a lot of weight before I got pregnant, but due to some early complications, I couldn't work out (and eating anything remotely healthy made me want to toss my cookies). So, for several months, I lived on Taco Bell, fruit (go figure?) and Outback cheese fries. I cringed every time I stepped on the scale, but thought it would be ok because everyone told me I'd "lose all of the weight so easy when nursing" (NOT...that was a big load of crap!). I felt like a hippo by the time I went into the hospital to meet the little man. What I didn't expect was to feel like a hippo for quite some time afterward! When I went back to work, I was still nursing, so out of ease and necessity, I became a big fan of the tank top/open cardigan combo. It was easy access, covered my post-baby body, and with the right accessories, looked fairly stylish and professional (or so I thought). Then, I encountered another post-pregnancy issue...my feet had gotten bigger and my toes hurt from all of the foot swelling at the end of my pregnancy. So, I had to lose my pretty heels and resort to some shoes that resemble clod-hoppers (a small improvement from my Croc dress flats I wore during the pregnancy that Jared HATED). Charlie was still waking up every three hours to eat during my first THREE months back to work. Through the exhaustion, I thought I looked pretty good. Luckily, I have very few pictures of myself during this time.
But, then the sleep deprivation haze wore off and on one fateful day, I took a good look in the mirror and realized I looked like a HOBO. I was wearing granny shoes (or the good old faithful crocs), ill-fitting pants (that I later discovered had a spit up spot on the leg), a tank that seemed to accentuate my post-baby midsection, an open cardigan (complete with usual spot on my left shoulder where Charlie "hugs" me every morning), messy pony tail and bags under my eyes. Even when I went to ride, I was wearing baggy jeans and t-shirts (not my usual sharp-er slim jeans and fitted polo). I was NOT the picture of a glowing new mother OR former pageant queen OR equestrian athlete. I was an overpaid HOBO. Unfortunately, I was not motivated enough by the shocking image in the mirror, so nothing changed. I've convinced myself that it's ok...I work long hours, have a house, husband, horse and child...I don't have time to work out and look nice. I have to walk a lot, so it's ok to wear comfortable shoes. And, I'm a new mom, so no one will notice the little slobber stain on my pants, right?
Yesterday was a rough day, but I wore my favorite suit and shoes and I felt sharp again. Today, I'm back to hobo, BUT today, I'm a hobo with Chi-straigtened hair and an urge to get an overdue eyebrow wax. Baby steps, right? I'm about four weeks back into weight watchers and it is working (even though most people haven't noticed including my husband)! I'm determined to get back in shape and return, at least sometimes, to feeling like a badass in a sharp suit (or at least nice boots and jeans!) And, I'd like to do that before the end of the year. Now that I've said it, I'm asking my friends to please help me stay focused (and feel free to laugh and make jokes about me when I look like a hobo...it will keep me motivated), but please don't make fun of my shoes until I can find some more stylish kicks for these poor feet. I'll pull out my Cole Haans when I need them. :-)
Lessons of the day:
(1) Life is too short to wear mommy jeans and ugly shoes.
(2) Tractor supply STILL doesn't carry baby food for my one stop shopping needs...aarrggh!